hahaha! i’ll never not reblog this
"HITLER STEALS MY NUTELLA"
- reading in head: i'm practically a master of linguistics my pronunciations are perfect beyond compare
- reading aloud: *chokes on spit*
when i was 12 i made a deal with my dad that if i didn’t date until i was 16 he’d owe me $100 AND I FUCKING REMEMBERED THE OTHER DAY AND MY DAD SAID IT WAS "RIDICULOUS ENOUGH TO BE TRUE" HE’S ACTUALLY GONNA GIVE ME $100
so my dad come home today and was like “katie i did it i got your money”
he gave me 100 one dollar bills
my dad gave me 100 one dollar bills
i can pretend to be a super star
i am a queen
i made it rain on my mom
"did i get on the wrong bus?"
Look at this jackass.
My town handed out pamphlets for a summer event.
On it, it advertised dogs riding turtles.
My mom was so excited, she dragged me down there and we roamed the streets of the event, looking for these turtle-riding dogs. No matter how hard we looked, there were no dogs riding turtles!
These buggers must have ditched the event and rode on out to bigger and brighter stages XP